Have you ever wondered what’s the difference between the iPhone 5s in gold and the silver and gray models? Only the paint job, you say? Oh, how ignorant you are! Next thing you’ll claim is the internal architecture of all three handhelds is identical.
Which couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, according to Apple’s own VP of Gold, the infamous and brilliant (literally, as his clothes and accessories could probably light up Russia during polar nights) Raffi Jaharian, gold iPhone go faster, bigger, louder, quieter, smaller, sexier, wetter, taller. All at the same time. It’s just best, end of story.
But that makes the current gold iPhone 5s shortages encountered by Cupertino even more tragic, doesn’t it? Well, not necessarily, as Raffi can always hook you up. True, for double the market price, but that’s actually the deal of a lifetime since normally, the Apple official’s nephews would charge triple.
Interested? Sure you are. After all, Rome wasn’t built in the weeks it will take Apple to re-stock the gold iPhone 5s, it was built now. Just remember, go in the back of your local Apple store, look for the dudes with gold, sweaty tank tops and gold sneakers and, before you can say “gold is best”… say bye-bye to your wallets, clothes and other valuables.
All jokes aside, you can discard everything above, as it’s so obviously a joke (or not, if you also think iOS 7 is the first waterproof mobile operating system in the world), as well as Conan’s latest parody video yanking on Apple’s chain, which you can watch below.
As for the gold iPhone 5s, do yourselves a favor and save the embarrassment of waiting in line for it. Unless your fashion idol is Raffi Jaharian. In which case yeah, it’s good for people to know how big of a douche you are just based on your choice of mobile device.